I was asked by my son and future daughter-in-law to officiate their wedding. I went online and got “ordained” by The Universal Life Church Ministries. Several people in attendance as well as friends and family asked me to share the ceremony.

I began the ceremony with a welcome and acknowledgment of tribal and indigenous communities who originally lived and live on this land and on whose blood remains today. For Johnson City and Washington County, Tennessee, we recognized the Cherokee, Choctaw, and Muscogee “Creek” Nation citizens.

There was an opening prayer followed by scripture readings from Ecclesiastes 4: 9-11, Romans 12: 9-12, and an ee cummings poem [i carry your heart with me (i carry it in].

Here was my message to the bride and groom:

It’s an honor to stand before you two and officiate this ceremony!

We have come to this point in Brett and Abby’s lives who wish to share the magic of what they have experienced with each other and now with us.

For those of us in committed relationships, we also get to relive the magic we have with our significant other. I’d suggest this is an opportunity for us to hold hands with that person and experience the magic, the Holy Breath that is among us and in us. Brett and Abby’s magic becomes our magic.

It’s all lead up to this single moment of Brett and Abby looking at each other and saying, ‘I see you. I see you standing there. I know who you are. I totally get you. At this moment, I see all of you.’

This was captured in the 2004 movie Shall We Dance with Richard Gere, Jennifer Lopez, and Susan Sarandon.
Sarandon’s character, Beverly Clark, meets Richard Jenkin’s character, Devine. They talk about why they think people get married. Devine says it’s passion! Beverly Clark responds:

“We need a witness to our lives. There are a billion people on the planet… I mean, what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you’re promising to care about everything. The good things, the bad things, the unexpected things, the mundane things … all of it, all of the time, every day. You’re saying ‘Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go un-witnessed because I will be your witness.'”

That is the gift that we struggle to receive every day. And because we’re all struggling to receive it, we forget to give it.

Someone said, we actually marry three times – the first time for love, the second time for security, and the third time for companionship. If we are lucky we marry the same person for all three!

Here is a piece of trivia for you … in the four gospels of the Bible, Jesus asks 339 questions. He was interested rather than interesting. A great marriage is about being interested rather than interesting. Ask more questions of one another. Many times, the question is more important than the answer and follow-up with another question.

There are six questions I’m going to suggest you all learn to ask each other regularly … as well as all of us in this space who are in a relationship with a significant other!

1st question …Wait! What? This question is at the root of all understanding. This is actually part of the Prayer of St. Francis – seek to understand before being understood. Seek a shared-mental model. Ask for clarification. This is also an invitation to slow down and hit your pause button.

2nd question … I wonder …? is the foundation for curiosity is as in “I wonder why Brett is so quiet?” Or “I wonder why Abby hasn’t smiled much lately?” Or “I wonder if we could take our relationship to a higher level?” And “I wonder if I could help?”

3rd question … Couldn’t we at least …? is the beginning of progress. It is the question to help you get out of the rut or hole you have fallen into. It can be the bridge to overcome disagreements.

4th question … If not now, when? We human beings procrastinate. We put things off and have a laundry list of excuses. “Honey, you said you were going to (fill in the blank!)” “When I get (fill in the blank), then I’ll (fill in the blank).”

First, don’t make promises you cannot keep. Second, great relationships are built upon reciprocity – yin, and yang, you scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours! Third, we live in an age of distraction. If not now, when? is a call for focus and action.

5th question … How can I help? is the heart of your relationship. Be aware of trying to “fix” each other. How can I help? may mean putting down your smartphone and just being beside each other at a time of pain or suffering.

There are two basic kinds of people – givers and grabbers. I’ve never met a grabber who has grabbed enough to be happy. On the other hand, it’s the “givers” who seem to be the happiest. Giving of your time can be the greatest gift we can give to another. How you help each other matters as much as what you give to each other. Remember when you ask, “How can I help?” begins with humility, recognizing you are not the expert.

6th question … What truly matters to me? This gets to the purpose of this relationship. You also need to ask,
What truly matters to you? I would hope that what truly matters to each of you is to be called “Beloved.” Beloved is dearly and deeply loved and cherished.

After their declaration of intent, vows, and ring exchange, there was this blessing:

Holy Creator:
May these vows, rings and this marriage be blessed.
May their trials keep them strong.
May their failures keep them humble.
May the sorrow they encounter keep them human.

May their faith carry them when they feel broken.
May they have hope to bring them joy daily.
May this marriage be full of laughter.
May their wealth meet their needs

May they always be significant to one another.
May they have enough determination to make tomorrow better than today.

And all God’s people said, “AMEN”

I gave a pronouncement, and then told Brett he may kiss Abby. After which, I got to introduce Mr. and Mrs. Carr to the gathering!

I am part of a small group with different points of view, different beliefs, and different opinions. We call the group Building Bridges as we meet to discuss different topics led by two people in the group with different perspectives, learn of each other’s point of view, and seek to find common ground.

An upcoming discussion will be on climate choice. We have been asked to share our opinion on climate choice.

Here is my response:

I believe climate change is science, not a choice. Is gravity a choice? Is blinking a choice?  Busy is a choice. Putting on sunscreen is a choice.

“Death will arrive, and you have no choice in making yourself available for that.”  – Seneca

Science is a process of learning and discovery. Science, like the world we live in, is not simple and requires discipline and effort. Science is a collection of facts of which we need to decipher, understand, and adapt to help us make predictions. Science like life represents reality.

“Scientific theories are not perfect replicas of reality, but we have good reason to believe that they capture significant elements of it. And experience reminds us that when we ignore reality, it sooner or later comes back to bite us.”  – Naomi Oreskes

Science like us needs to be open to new information and possibilities. Observation, critical thinking, curiosity, and imagination are essential components of science as well as a life well-lived. Science recognizes it can be flawed and with additional observation, critical thinking, curiosity, and imagination, it will update and correct itself. The science behind our continuously learning of COVID, its characteristics, the way it is transmitted, its ongoing evolution is evidence.

In May 2019, my wife and I took an intimate Alaskan cruise. Onboard was Karen Dillman, a US Forest Service ecologist who lives in Petersburg, AK. She is a subject matter expert on lichen (of which one is named after her!), fungi, glaciers, and forest ecology. Dillman lead us on exploration hikes and gave talks on subjects of her expertise. It turns out that lichen are climate change indicators! Lichen are a keystone species in many ecosystems; serve as a food source for rodents, birds, and many other animals; provide nesting material for birds; protect trees from extreme weather elements. Dillman pointed out the lichen were suffering from climate change and thus rodents were not as big and plentiful which in turn impacts bald eagles that feed on rodents.

When we arrived at Sawyer glacier, Dillman pointed out that a year ago, this glacier extended out to where our boat was. The glaciers were “calving” at incredible rates due to the warmth of climate change.

Dillman pointed out the deterioration of lichen and the rapid glacier melt were primarily anthropogenic – industrial revolution, carbon dioxide, and other greenhouse gas emissions that have raised temperatures, even higher in the poles, and as a result, glaciers are rapidly melting, calving off into the sea and retreating on land. At the current rate, more than a third of the world’s glaciers will melt before the year 2100. The glacier melts we are witnessing today are changing the circulation of the Atlantic Ocean and have been linked to the collapse of fisheries and the creation of more destructive storms and hurricanes around the planet.

Human beings have changed the environment in myriad ways with industry, transportation, agriculture, and land cover leading to vast increases in CO2, methane, chlorofluorocarbons, and N2O. The World Data Center for Meteorology is in Asheville, NC, and tracks these gases and their impact on the earth’s environment. It requires critical thinking to unlearn unfounded, weak, or misinformed thinking nurtured over time.

Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space lies our power to choose. And in our choice lies our growth and our freedom. – Victor Frankl

Here is a fact: Ignore the environment and it will go away. I can make choices in how my wife and I wish to impact the environment. Did you know the average American home is over 2,300 square feet? If all 7.9 billion of earth’s current inhabitants lived in a 2,300 square foot home, Earth would need to be four times its current size. We choose to make our carbon footprint smaller by living in half that size home. Consequently, we consume less energy. We are looking to downsize to one car and choose a hybrid. Livestock contributes almost 15% of the global greenhouse gases. We choose to consume less meat.

What will you choose to do to impact the environment and assume your role as a collaborator in creation?

My final presentation to the staff at the City of Asheville…a couple of key points…

People asked me what I did with the City of Asheville. I told them I was an adult playground supervisor. I helped employees play better together with sticky learning – learning by doing!

I suggested the City of Asheville staff practice five key behaviors – steal, swear, gamble, drink and lie!

Drink in relationships especially with those who don’t look, think or believe as we do! The absence of conflict is not harmony, but apathy. We need people in our lives who are disagreeable! Disagreeable people reveal our blind spots, help us to unlearn and rethink.

Swear you won’t take yourself so damn seriously!

Gamble! Speak up! Share your privilege with those without privilege – especially those who don’t look, sound, or smell like you!

We are living in an age of “Conspiracy Theories.” Walking on the moon was a Hollywood set. 9/11 was an inside job. The 2020 presidential election was stolen. COVID vaccines are weapons of mass destruction! Don’t believe everything you read or hear. Don’t believe everything you think!

I tell groups, to become a team is huge. Teams collaborate and find flow. But for a team to become a community is sacred! In a community, I can be vulnerable and share my imperfections and hear back, “Me too!” Grow your group to become a team. Grow your team to become a commUNITY!

Here is the Youtube link to my final presentation, “Before I leave…Some Closing Thoughts!”

I wish I could say “Happy Juneteeth,” but this is a day of remembrance much like Memorial Day (which I think we fail to recognize the gravity, the solemn remembrance, and the purpose of the day instead of the  beginning of summer!)

Mine has! In 1988, after my father and business partner died of a heart attack, I sat down with our family doctor after a complete physical. All my numbers looked great, including my BMI of 23. Dr. Lewis advised me to keep doing what I was doing and wished he had more patients like me! He pointed out the only thing I had no control over was my heredity. I made a commitment to continue to eat healthily and to get plenty of exercise. I continued to hear this post-physical pronouncement through the years from my doctors.  As a result, I was proud I had not been on any medications! I felt superior to others my age who had to take daily doses of meds.

A couple of weeks ago, I experienced severe chest pain while walking our dog. It went away after a few minutes. I thought it was gas from spicy food eaten the night before. It occurred again this past Tuesday, and I went to the clinic to get it checked. My EKG looked a bit off, so they took blood for analysis. Early Wednesday morning, I got a call from Physician Assistant Annie asking me if Terri, my wife, was home. I said, “Yes,” and she said, “I want Terri to drive you to Mission Hospital ER immediately. Your Troponin enzyme is high, meaning you have had a heart attack!” That afternoon I had a heart catheterization that found some blockage in the LAD of my heart, and a stent was inserted.

After the procedure, the doctor prescribed a statin and a blood thinner and said I should keep a small vile of nitroglycerin with me at all times! My pride took a hit. After all the good healthy habits, I fell off the pedestal! My humility took a hit. I’m learning and relearning a couple of things.

First, I’m blessed to have had incredible support from Annie, the PA, who directed me to go to the hospital; the nurses and doctors who treated me; my caregiver wife, my close family and friends, including my men’s small group; and my work cohorts. As I lay in the ER Wednesday morning, I felt peace and knew the prayer that never fails, Thy will be done, was at work.

Second, the only constant in life is change. The antidote for change is adaptation. Heredity is a wild card. It is at play in our lives. You cannot control or change heredity. While I feel like and have the attitude of a 40-year-old, I am reminded I still need to adapt to an older body, so my reality check doesn’t bounce! I admonish my coaching clients to remember to put their oxygen mask on first before anything else!

Third, patience is part of a healthy lifestyle. Patience is the ability to stay calm while you’re waiting for an outcome. Patience is essential in one’s emotional intelligence and aids self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and managing relationships. Patience is the foundation to “seek to understand before being understood.” Patience is essential in dealing with difficult people.

Finally, I’ve been a practitioner of daily prayer and mindful meditation. It has served me well and is proving to be an essential part of my recovery. It, like my nitroglycerin vile, is something I won’t leave the house without!

This is what I know for sure: I’ve lived an incredible life, and I plan to continue to do so. I am looking forward to adding a new title of “grandfather” later this year. I am looking forward to officiating at the wedding of our son and his fiance in December! Thus, I will take my daily doses of meds and carry that little vile of nitroglycerin. I plan to keep running the bases and sliding into home, Lord willing, and the creek don’t rise!