My White Paper on Faith

I am part of a men’s small group that has gathered in person and online regularly since 1995. They are a significant part of my well-being. We have been through a lot together, including the passing of two members. Recently, one of our members suggested we share our statement of faith. I prefer to call it My White Paper on Faith. This was a powerful exercise in spiritual self-examination, which I have done before. I believe my White Paper on Faith is more important than my Leadership Philosophy. I refer to both of these dynamic documents regularly to ask myself and others, “How am I doing?”

David Carr – My White Paper on Faith – March 2026

“Faith is better understood as a verb than a noun, as a process rather than a possession. It is on-again-off-again rather than once-and-for-all. Faith is not being sure where you are going but going anyway. A journey without maps. Tillich said doubt isn’t the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith. Faith can’t prove a damned thing. Or a blessed thing either.” – Frederich Buechner, Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC

I agree with Teilhard de Chardin that I am a spiritual being having a human experience. As a spiritual being, it’s my soul that is immortal. My human experience is teaching me many lessons and causing me to forget my spiritual nature. My human experience has joys, gratitude, and incredible blessings; it also has scars, warts, imperfections, failure, and mistakes. These are treasure maps to my soul.

My spiritual nature reminds me that I am powerless and that, with the Holy Creator’s help, the only thing I can control is myself. I believe the Holy Creator knows me better than I know myself. I seek the Holy’s help continuously. My faith leads me to live with integrity, build trust, and set boundaries. My faith guides my thinking, asking W.W.J.D., reflecting, and journaling.

My spiritual nature requires silence. Silence to experience the Holy Creator’s divine intelligence. Silence to challenge the “chattering monkeys” in my brain to stop. Silence to meditate, contemplate, and pray. Silence to be inspired for better thoughts and actions to be uplifted and empowered. Silence to believe in times of unbelief. Silence to be curious and listen rather than speak. Jesus practiced silence. He asked 339 questions in the four Gospels and then listened. He demonstrated that the questions are more important than the answers.

My spiritual nature requires presence. Presence to see the extraordinary in the ordinary. Presence to experience the “thin places” of heaven on earth. Presence to acknowledge change and evolution are a part of life, as written in the Book of Ecclesiastes. Presence to let go of yesterday and not worry about tomorrow. Presence to get out of my comfort zone and become “woke.” Presence to be the hands and feet of Jesus Christ that this world needs, as He challenged in the Beatitudes. Presence not to fix anyone, but to acknowledge and encourage their strength, courage, and compassion. Presence to recognize that the opposite of love is fear, and that fear is at the root of all ugly, hurtful behavior towards others. Presence to recognize the hardest part of the 2nd greatest commandment is to love myself with all my failings, to love my neighbor with all their failings.

When people ask me what I do for a living, I begin by saying I am a collaborator in the Holy Creator’s design. I collaborate with the Holy to create safe, nurturing, healthy, inclusive, diverse, equitable commUNITY. CommUNITY embraces an important and significant word, “WE.” This is my purpose and my ministry in this life. Jesus Christ, Mohammad, Buddha, and Confucius modeled the way for this calling. I am an ecumenical Christian who prays well with people of other faiths and atheists. I don’t consider myself “saved,” but rather “found,” as in ways to embrace my spiritual being and enhance my human experience. My purpose, my ministry, is guided by the core values of Micah 6:8: loving kindness, seeking justice, and walking with God in humility. I choose to follow the Holy Creator rather than power or money.

My faith embraces doubt, uncertainty, ambiguity, and complexity as a part of my spiritual being. My faith is shrouded in mystery. I agree with Anne Lamott, “The opposite of faith is certainty.” My faith requires me to be curious and ask hard questions.

For me, the Bible is a dangerous book and should be on the “banned book list.” The Bible has been used to justify many ugly and hurtful acts against others, including war. The Bible was written by storytellers, poets, philosophers, visionaries, and sinners over the course of 3,000 years, and it contains contradictions and inconsistencies. I do not take the Bible literally. Beginning with Genesis, I believe the Earth is more than 6,000 years old. Many see the Bible as ending with a period, “the word of God for the people of God.” I see the Bible as a beginning, still unfolding, still evolving, still being edited, and ending with the line, “To be continued…” Consider the transition of the King James Version to The Message Bibles.

While there is support for creating commUNITY in the Bible, there is justification for marginalization, exclusion, abomination, and discrimination against LGBTQ+ and BIPOC that prevent commUNITY. In the book of Leviticus, slavery is justified. In the book of Romans, same-sex relations are described as “unnatural.” Galileo was nearly put to death for showing evidence that the Earth was not the center of the universe, as implied in Genesis 1, Psalm 104, and Isaiah 40.

I believe there are other “Holy Books” to read and ponder, such as Mere Christianity by C.S. Lewis, Learning to Walk In The Dark by Barbara Brown Taylor, Do I Stay Christian? by Brian McLaren, Inspired: Slaying Giants, Walking on Water, and Loving the Bible Again by Rachel Held Evans, America’s Original Sin: Racism, White Privilege, and the Bridge to a New America by Jim Wallis, The Road Back To You: An Enneagram Journey To Self Discovery by Ian Cron and Suzanne Stabile and A Man’s Way Through the Twelve Steps by Dan Griffin.

My faith is strengthened by my gratitude. My gratitude reminds me of the many blessings I take for granted in my life. It reminds me I have more than enough. Gratitude gives me acceptance, brings order, and clarifies what is truly important. Gratitude turns a meal into a feast, our house into a home, and strangers into friends. Gratitude helps me live into the less-is-more principle, continuously seeking to simplify my life and reminding me that excess is never enough.

The Holy Creator’s greatest gift to me is undeserved favor, kindness, and mercy – grace. My faith acknowledges the abundant grace in my life. Grace is connected to my practice of humility. Grace nurtures my spiritual being and growth. Grace acknowledges my need for the Holy in my life, especially when I am in the valley of the shadow of death. Grace reminds me to check my ego – Edging God Out. I need to extend grace to others, seeking to understand before being understood, and forgiveness.

Forgiveness is the antidote to my resentment, anger, shame, and fear. My faith requires me to understand and practice forgiveness, beginning with forgiving myself. Forgiveness requires me to be transparent, take responsibility for my actions, experience the pain I may have created, and change my behavior. Forgiveness gives me strength and helps me overcome bitterness. This means, like Jesus, I forgive myself and others who don’t deserve it. Forgiveness leads to joy and hopefulness and reduces anxiety. Forgiveness is a significant component of commUNITY.

I embrace Kent Keith’s Paradoxical Commandments for the foundation of my work in forgiveness:

  • People are illogical, unreasonable, and self-centered. Love them anyway.
  • If you do good, people will accuse you of selfish ulterior motives. Do good anyway.
  • If you are successful, you will win false friends and true enemies. Succeed anyway.
  • The good you do today will be forgotten tomorrow. Do good anyway.
  • Honesty and frankness make you vulnerable. Be honest and frank anyway.
  • The biggest men and women with the biggest ideas can be shot down by the smallest men and women with the smallest minds. Think big anyway.
  • People favor underdogs but follow only top dogs. Fight for a few underdogs anyway.
  • What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight. Build anyway.
  • People really need help, but may attack you if you do help them. Help people anyway.
  • Give the world the best you have, and you’ll get kicked in the teeth. Give the world your best anyway.

Finally, My White Paper on Faith is dynamic. As I continue my walk in faith, I will learn and add or subtract from this document.

What Books Would You Recommend?

“Books are not made to be believed, but to be subjected to inquiry. When we consider a book, we mustn’t ask ourselves what it says but what it means, a precept that the commentators of the holy books had very clearly in mind. Perhaps the mission of those who love mankind is to make people laugh at the truth, to make the truth laugh, because the only truth lies in learning to free ourselves from insane passion for truth.” – Umberto Eco, The Name of the Rose

A recent visitor to our den was looking at our bookshelves. She asked about all the books we had, and which I’d recommend reading first. After careful consideration, I compiled a list of 34. This book list focuses on key issues we face in our culture and society.

Leadership. IMHO, leadership is lacking in many organizations and the government. Leadership and management are distinct and focus on different things. Leadership is about building relationships and leading people to a mountain they have never climbed. Leaders have a sense of purpose and accountability to positive core values. 

The Leadership Challenge, Seventh Edition by Jim Kouzes and Barry Posner.
Learn the five practices of exemplary leadership. Live them and set the example for others.

The Leader’s Compass: A Personal Leadership Philosophy Is Your Key to Success
by Ed Ruggero and Dennis F. Haley
Do you have a religious philosophy, a political philosophy? Do you have a leadership philosophy?

The Road to Character by David Brooks
Are you living your resume or your eulogy? Which is more important to you – success or significance?

Trust. Everything begins with trust. Consider the benefits of trust. Do you trust yourself? Do you trust others, including family, friends, and cohorts? Do you trust strangers, politicians, business leaders, and law enforcement? Do you trust your organization and team’s processes? Do you trust your organization’s and team’s vision? 

The Seven Rules of Trust: A Blueprint for Building Things That Last by Jimmy Wales with Dan Gardner
Jimmy Wales is the founder of Wikipedia. Wikipedia is built, exists, and thrives on seven rules of trust. Imagine what would happen if you incorporated the seven rules of trust into your life and your organization’s life. Imagine the difference in politics if the seven rules of trust were used.

Priorities. Morale, enjoyment, productivity, reduced turnover, safety, and better ROI are priorities and rely on collaboration and cooperation within any commUNITY.

The Advantage: Why Organizational Health Trumps Everything Else in Business
by Patrick Lencioni
Your organization’s health determines your competitive advantage.

Setting The Table: The Transforming Power of Hospitality in Business by Danny Meyer
Customer service is a monologue. Hospitality is a dialogue. Learn the art of hospitality.

Becoming Trader Joe: How I Did Business My Way & Still Beat the Big Guys by Joe Coulombe.  If I were limited to one grocery store, it would be Trader Joe’s. I feel happy because the staff is happy! The selection is limnited making choosing easy and easy to navigate the store. This book makes me even more of a fan and a loyal customer! Coulombe’s way of running a business is the model for all businesses.

The Art of Gathering: How We Meet And Why It Matters by Priya Parker
Learn to overcome lackluster, unproductive gatherings with a human-centered approach to create meaningful, memorable experiences, whether large or small, for work or play.

Relationships. We have an epidemic of loneliness. These books offer ways to connect.

How To Know A Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen
By David Brooks
Would others say you are interested or interesting, a teller or an asker, a listener or a talker?

Captivate: The Science of Succeeding With People by Vanessa Van Edwards
Learn how to better interact with others.

The Four Things That Matter Most: A Book About Living by Ira Brock, M.D.
Transform relationships before you die by responding to four simple statements.

Eight Dates: Essential Conversations For A Lifetime Of Love by John and Julie Gottman
This book and a coffee shop gift card are our wedding present to the newlyweds.

Conflict. We are a culture who fail at healthy conflict. Healthy conflict requires focusing on the issue, not the individual. It begins with compassion and requires listening to understand, acknowledging what you heard, and asking to share your perspective. 

Radical Candor: Be a Kick-Ass Boss Without Losing Your Humanity by Kim Scott
Learn to care personally and challenge directly by overcoming being a pushover, an obnoxious aggressor, an insincere manipulator, and/or a ruinous empathizer.

Power. The only thing we can control is ourselves. These books offer insight into self-awareness, self-management, and empathy for ourselves.

Quit: The Power of Knowing When To Walk Away by Annie Duke
Good quitting skills are important to living a good life. Actually, winners quit a lot!

The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
Practice two mantras, Let Them and Let Me, to focus on what really matters.

How To Want What You Have: Discovering The Magic and Grandeur of Ordinary Existence by Timothy Miller
Learn to practice the three disciplines of compassion, attention, and gratitude to live in the present.

Thinking, Fast and Slow by Daniel Kahneman
We spend over 90% of our thinking time in fast mode. Slow thinking requires more energy and more time, and it could be a healthy benefit to yourself and to others.

Think Again: The Power of Knowing What You Don’t Know by Adam Grant
The ability to rethink and unlearn requires overcoming the comfort of conviction and the discomfort of doubt.

Emotional Agility: Get Unstuck, Embrace Change, and Thrive in Work and Life
By Susan David
Emotional Intelligence is more important than IQ (Intelligence Quotient). What is your level of emotional intelligence?

Habits. Habits are the foundation of our lives. Some habits serve us well, while others harm our well-being.

Atomic Habits: An Easy & Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones by James Clear
Our habits, our patterns, our routines, define us. A guide on changing bad habits.

The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are by Brene Brown
A guide to a wholehearted life, beginning with embracing that you are enough.

Dopamine Nation: Finding Balance in the Age of Indulgence by Anna Lempke, MD
We are living in an age of the relentless pursuit of pleasure from drugs, food, news, gambling, shopping, gaming, porn, Instagram, tweeting, TikToking… Learn how to overcome compulsive consumption and transform your life.

Mind Over Explicit Matter by Trish Leigh
Pornhub is in the top 10 most visited websites on the Internet. Pornhub had more visits than Netflix, TikTok, and Instagram combined. “Houston, we have a problem.”

How To Do Boring, Tedious, Difficult Necessary Things by Peter Collins
Collins challenges the reader to self-discipline and to discover the art of sucking it up to do the things you hate.

A Woman’s Way Through the Twelve Steps by Stephanie S. Covington
A Man’s Way Through the Twelve Steps by Dan Griffin
We are all addicted to “something”, and that “something” harms our well-being. Working the 12 steps is an opportunity to have person-in-the-mirror moments, face your truth, and live a better life.

The Heart of Who We Are: Realizing Freedom Together by Caverly Morgan
A guide on putting values to action by connecting with the deepest truth of who we are.

Banned Books. Diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging are a part of our history that many of us did not learn. Acknowledge your bias, privilege, and fear. Overcome your ignorance, denial, and shame. 

Waking Up White: and Finding Myself in the Story of Racism by Debby Irving
If you are a white person, this is required reading.

The Sum of Us: What Racism Costs Everyone and How We Can Prosper Together
By Heather McGhee
Racism is the common denominator of our most vexing public problems, the core of the dysfunction of our democracy, and the spiritual and moral crisis that grips America.

Caste: The Origins of Our Discontent by Isabel Wilkerson
There have been three cultures in the world that have imposed a caste system on undesired people: India, the United States, and Nazi Germany. Guess who taught the Nazi’s how to implement a caste system on the Jews?

How The Word Is Passed: A Reckoning With The History of Slavery Across America
by Clint Stevens
The legacy of slavery and its imprint on the soul of the United States.

The Barn: The Secret History of a Murder in Mississippi by Wright Thompson
The torture and murder of Emmett Till is an old, deep wound of the “greatest nation on earth.”

Demon Copperhead by Barbara Kingsolver
Kingsolver writes about a new generation of lost boys, leading to empathy for lives that bear little resemblance to our own.

Democracy Awakening: Notes on the State of America by Heather Cox Richardson
This is the Boston College History Professor who teaches me the history of the United States I never got in high school or college.

Abundance by Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson
This book moved my wife and me to purchase an electric vehicle. Little things add up.

February 24, 2026, follow-up:

Got an email from a close relative and friend who shared his book recommendations!

Renoir, My Father, Jean Renoir. The painter’s life is recounted by his son. Beautifully told about a life lived prior to the Industrial Revolution, which taught me how to look for the light.

The Mountain and the Fathers, Joe Wilkins. Joe’s a friend and his account of growing up poor in Montana’s Big Empty is powerfully written.

Cher Ami and Major Whittlesley, Kathleen Rooney. How can a book about a WW1 carrier pigeon saving the life of a lost battalion be so absorbing? Read it and find out.

Is a River Alive? Robert Macfarlane. An interesting alternate view of the natural world where land and rivers are presented as living beings worthy of the rights humans alone claim.

Braiding Sweetgrass, Robin Wall Kimmerer. A series of essays by a Syracuse professor, a botanist, and a member of the Potawatomi Nation, that combines indigenous wisdom with scientific knowledge, that includes a complementary approach to Western scientific methodology. You’ll see the world in a new way.

Paradise Brox, Ian Frazier. You know the Bronx as a place name but know nothing about it, and most people don’t. Ian Frazier does. His book covers the Bronx’s history from Colonial times, through the 70s, when it burned continuously, to the birth of hip hop. Incredibly researched piece.

A Fever in the Heartland, Timothy Egan Egan gives us a riveting saga of how a predatory con man became one of the most powerful people in 1920s America, Grand Dragon of the Ku Klux Klan, with a plan to rule the country—and how a grisly murder of a woman brought him down. Compelling and chillingly resonant with our own time.

Hellhound on His Trail, Hampton Sides. On April 4, 1968, James Earl Ray shot Martin Luther King Jr. at the Lorraine Motel in Nashville. As chaos erupted across the country and mourners gathered at King’s funeral, investigators launched a sixty-five-day search for King’s assassin that would lead them across two continents.

Death Comes for the Archbishop or My Antonia, Willa Cather, is an important early 20th-century woman writer who tells stories that touch the heart.

The Bartender’s Tale, Ivan Doig. Doig is probably my favorite fiction writer and weaves many tales across the Montana prairies from Scottish sheepherders to the present day. A good coming-of-age story.

The House of Sky, Ivan Doig A memoir that begins with the author living with his parents as they herd sheep during Montana summers and carries through to the death of his mother when Doig is 6. He was raised by his father and grandmother in a story that explores family, identity, and the legacy of his upbringing. Doig is a masterful writer.

Anything by John McPhee. McPhee is a longtime New Yorker editor, and you gotta have grown-up taste to engage his thoughtful, intelligent writing, BUT he is my absolute favorite non-fiction writer, very precise with words. If you want to learn about geology and how it can bring wonder into your life, you can try one of his Pulitzer-winning trilogy, but talk to me first.

The House of Spirits, Isabel Allende. She is a great storyteller, unafraid of the world of magical realism, and writes with a deft, often bawdy touch. This is a story of the triumphs and tragedies of three generations of a Chilean family. The patriarch Esteban is a volatile, proud man whose voracious pursuit of political power is tempered only by his love for his delicate wife Clara, a woman with a mystical connection to the spirit world. When their daughter Blanca embarks on a forbidden love affair in defiance of her implacable father, the result is an unexpected gift to Esteban: his adored granddaughter Alba, a beautiful and strong-willed child who will lead her family and her country into a revolutionary future.

Gentlemen from Moscow, by Amor Towles, is my favorite current fiction writer, with an engaging and intelligent mind. In 1922, Count Alexander Rostov is found by a Bolshevik tribunal to be an unrepentant aristocrat and sentenced to house arrest at the Metropol, a grand hotel across the street from the Kremlin. Rostov, an indomitable man of erudition and wit, has never worked a day in his life, and must now live in an attic room while some of the most tumultuous decades in Russian history are unfolding outside the hotel’s doors. Unexpectedly, his reduced circumstances provide him with entry into a much larger world of emotional discovery. Really a good story.

The Overstory, Richard Powers. This is a novel. Robin Kimmerer on steroids. The book follows nine Americans whose unique life experiences with trees bring them together to address the destruction of forests. Through interwoven narratives spanning multiple generations, the novel explores themes of environmental activism, the interconnectedness of living things, and humanity’s relationship with the natural world.

All the Light We Cannot See, Anthony Doerr. Marie-Laure lives with her father in Paris near the Museum of Natural History, where he works as the master of its thousands of locks. When she is six, Marie-Laure goes blind, and her father builds a perfect miniature of their neighborhood so she can memorize it by touch and navigate her way home. When she is twelve, the Nazis occupy Paris, and father and daughter flee to the walled citadel of Saint-Malo, where Marie-Laure’s reclusive great uncle lives in a tall house by the sea. With them they carry what might be the museum’s most valuable and dangerous jewel. Meet Anthony Doerr who writes with a sophisticated touch.

Heat & Light, Jennifer Haigh. Forty years ago, Bakerton coal fueled the country. Then the mines closed, and the town wore away like a bar of soap. Now, Bakerton has been granted a surprise third act: it sits squarely atop the Marcellus Shale, a massive natural gas deposit. To drill or not to drill? Prison guard Rich Devlin leases his mineral rights to finance his dream of farming. He doesn’t count on the truck traffic and nonstop noise, his brother’s skepticism, or his wife, Shelby’s, paranoia, who insists the water smells strange and is poisoning their frail daughter. Meanwhile, his neighbors, organic dairy farmers Mack and Rena, hold out against the drilling—until a passionate environmental activist disrupts their lives. Haigh’s the outlier in this group, but this is a page-turner.

Heaven & Earth Grocery Store, James McBride. McBride’s tale of a cross-cultural upbringing plays a big role in this wonderfully complex novel, which is a delight to read.

The Personal Librarian. Marie Benedict & Victoria Murray. Fictionalized telling based on historical figures of the story of the development of the famous JP Morgan Library, in which the librarian’s passing as white plays a major role.

 

Are You Going To Heaven?

Recently, I was confronted by an “evangelical” in downtown Asheville, NC.
She asked if I was going to heaven. I said, “Yes! I am on my way to see my massage therapist!”
She replied, “That’s not heaven. Sounds like you are going to hell!”
I replied, “I’m living that part of the Lord’s Prayer of ‘Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be done ON EARTH as in Heaven. Massage therapy is healing, bringing Heaven to Earth. In fact, I see creating loving, healthy, nurturing, inclusive, safe, ‘woke’ communities as bringing Heaven to Earth.”
According to the “evangelical,” I was wrong.
And that is the problem with MAGA white Christian Nationalist Evangelicals – a practice of exclusive certainty, hate for those who do not walk the same walk, and justify the evil of this POTUS regime. No room for compassion, facts, evidence, doubt, critical thinking, curiosity, humility, social justice, or compromise.
Words matter. Conversation matters. Seeking to understand before being understood matters.
Lord, make me an instrument of your peace:
where there is hatred, let me sow love;
where there is injury, pardon;
where there is doubt, faith;
where there is despair, hope;
where there is darkness, light;
where there is sadness, joy.
O divine Master, grant that I may not so much seek
to be consoled as to console,
to be understood as to understand,
to be loved as to love.
For it is in giving that we receive,
it is in pardoning that we are pardoned,
and it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

My 2026 Word for the Year

Oxford Dictionary chose “rage bait” as its word of 2025. Dictionary.com chose “67” as its 2025 word of the year. “Vibe coding” was Collins Dictionary’s 2025 word of the year. Merriam-Webster named “slop” as its word of the year. Back in January 2025, “turbidity” got my attention as my word of the year —the cloudiness, uncertainty, and questionable quality—and its impact on my well-being. I see turbidity in others.

Pantone named Cloud Dancer, a gentle shade of white, as its official color of 2026. It was picked as “our aspiration for a future free from toxicity and excess.” I wonder if it was chosen because of the anti-woke agenda and the rise of white privilege and white superiority?

I think a word that could have made the word of the year is NIMBY. It’s alive and well in our neighborhood. It is a significant theme in Ezra Klein and Derek Thompson’s NYT bestseller, Abundance.

All interesting choices as I contemplate my word to focus on in 2026.

I have been choosing a word for the year for at least ten years rather than doing resolutions. My 2022 book, 65 at 65, is about 65 words that have helped me to “seize the day” after 65 years of life. I find focusing on a word for the year leads me to ask questions about the space I’m in and the people I am with.

It was brought to my attention earlier this year that I seemed to be angry. I couldn’t disagree.

I’m angry at the lack of compassion, unkindness, misogyny, unethical, illogical, and immoral behavior in our culture from politicians, managing law firm partners, corporate executives, and tech tycoons who paid protection money to POTUS rather than stand up to the rule of law that enabled them to get where they are today.

I am angry at the MAGA supporters’ disconnect between thinking and reality, addiction to abstraction, and their fervent desire to remain unwoke. MAGA desires a monolithic culture based on white, heterosexual, Christian. How do you craft a monolithic culture out of a 400+-year history of a melting pot that includes enslavement, inhumane treatment of indigenous people, LGBTQ+, and anyone else who is not white, heterosexual, and Christian?

I am angry at the ignorance and denial of affordable housing, affordable medical care, and equitable education for every citizen.

I am angry at the ongoing disruption of “normal” here in Western North Carolina caused by Hurricane Helene on September 27, 2024.

I’ve chosen a word to help me out of this swamp of anger.

Assuage (verb) – to make more bearable or less severe; To put a complete end to a physical need or desire; to lessen the anger or agitation.

I’m going to use the 12 steps to practice assuage. I will support and volunteer with agencies that serve marginalized people, those suffering, and those in need. I will continue to connect with Braver Angels. I am going to continue to limit my internet use. I will choose to be with people who share common core values and beliefs. I will continue getting outside more, exercising, and creating zen moments in meditation.

May I Have Your Business Card?

One of the conversations I got into recently with a coaching client was about creating better first impressions and being memorable. We were reviewing people who made solid first impressions on us, and one of the points we discussed was business cards.

First impressions are lasting impressions! Business cards contribute to a memorable impression. As a consummate hand-written snail-mail note writer, I believe in creative, well-designed business cards on playing-card stock. (Many times, I include a business card in my notes) The feel of high-quality cardstock leaves an unconscious positive impression.

Some may say business cards are old-school, and digital business cards (or virtual business cards) are the way to go. After all, they are convenient, shareable, eco-friendly, and offer data tracking. On the other hand, printed business cards make a stronger personal connection, show class and professionalism, work even without power or internet, and help those who are not tech-savvy. One suggestion is to add a QR code to your business card for those who prefer a fully digital experience.

Business cards are mini, personal billboards that introduce your brand. The subtle message relayed through a business card supports your promise, your value, your unique difference, a reason to believe, and an overt benefit to knowing you. Your business card may reveal a tipping point that sticks with the person you connect with.

As the old American Express tagline says, “Don’t leave home without it!” When I was a sales manager, I reminded my sales staff to “be an easy date” by ALWAYS carrying business cards! You never know when an opportunity may arise to share your personal contact info, including cell phone, email, website, and a “hook” that creates curiosity in the mind of your business card receiver, “I’d like to know more about this person!”

What’s in your wallet? May I have your business card?

One Year After Helene

River Knoll community, July 2025

One year after Helene in Western North Carolina (WNC), homes are still in disrepair, roads are still on the “need to repair” list (including I-40), and friends and neighbors continue to seek to recreate “normal” in their lives. The devastation covered a land mass greater than the state of Connecticut. Visitors to our home still get a glimpse of the disaster in our area during the tours of Asheville and the WNC region.

Demolition of the McDonald’s In the Biltmore Village, July 2025.

We had nearly 32″ of rain over three days, which led to 100-year flooding, resulting in 108 verified deaths as of June 17, 2025, over 2,000 landslides, over 400 road closings, over 100 bridges washed out, over 200 swift water rescues, 8.5 million cubic yards of debris, over 100,000 homes without water for 53 days, and power was out in some areas for weeks.

Tourism is vital to Asheville and WNC, and we certainly need it! Slowly, some businesses are coming back. Biltmore Village and the River Arts District are still recovering from the storm’s effects. Swanannoa, Burnsville, Chimney Rock, Marshall, Hot Springs, and other communities and towns in WNC appear to have a longer way to go in their recovery.

What did we learn from Helene in WNC?

Climate change is real, and the flood maps were way off! We are paying attention to other climate change events throughout our country and in the world. Seeing climate change on a screen is one thing; experiencing it is truly understanding its impact is another.

Neighbors helping neighbors, September 28, 2024

While individualism is a core American value rooted in our nation’s history, emphasizing personal freedom, self-reliance, and individual rights, commUNITY was essential in dealing with Helene’s aftermath. It became necessary to know our neighbors and their needs so that we could support one another, despite our differences in opinions and beliefs.

We had to embrace common knowledge, seek the truth, and reject and refute conspiracy theories, fake news, and false reports. Our local NPR station, Blue Ridge Public Radio* (BPR), became a lifeline. It was the news source we could trust and rely on. Their on-the-ground reporters gave us up-to-date news. They carried the twice-a-day live news updates from the City of Asheville and the Water Resources Department, Buncombe County, law enforcement, health services, and Duke Power

We learned to challenge assumptions. Living in the mountains does not mean we are immune to hurricanes and tornadoes. We take water for granted and fail to recognize how much it is a part of our daily lives!

We learned that the role of diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging was essential in support and healing. Some of us possessed unique gifts, talents, and passions that contributed to our recovery. Some of us had tools to share that benefited the community. Some of us relied on others for essentials like water, ice, food, medication, and even a battery-powered light to turn on at night. Some of us needed a smile, a kind word, a voice of encouragement, a laugh, and a hug. We needed to remind each other that we were in this together and we would overcome this disaster and continue to do so.

We also learned the importance of the Boy Scout motto, Be Prepared, and having essentials on hand, including cash, water, food, a battery-powered radio, blankets, a gas grill or stove, and a generator.

Daily gathering of neighbors for dinner, October 10, 2024

What did we lose from Helene in WNC?

Besides losing water (from handwashing, showers, washing dishes, and clothes), and power. We also lost many other things. Some of us lost everything, including family, friends, coworkers, pets, and livestock; all of us lost something. We lost innocence and safety. We lost routines like going to school, work, and going to the grocery store. We have lost confidence and hope in the systems that are supposed to help us, including those of politicians.

What are we grateful for from Helene in WNC?

Chimney Rock – Broad River debris removal, August 11, 2025

We are grateful for heroes, such as first responders (locally and nationally), the Asheville Water Department staff (and all the support beyond WNC), Duke Power, and all the utilities from across the country that came to help restore power, as well as the tree services and debris removal services. We are grateful for the World Central Kitchen and faith-based organizations that provided us with hot meals when we couldn’t prepare them for ourselves. We are grateful to our family and friends outside our community who continually reach out to check on how we are doing and ask how they can assist us. We are thankful for our neighbors. Our relationships have deepened. We recognize the gift of connection and feel blessed! We love and appreciate Asheville and WNC more than ever!

Please visit and support WNC as we continue to rebuild.

I wrote several blogs back in late 2024 about our experience with Helene.

Are You Ready For Disaster?

What Is A Typical Day Like Without Power, Internet, or Water?

I Need to Say “Thank You!”

Four Reasons NOT to Come to Asheville, NC, Right Now

Background on My Last Blog…

* Blue Ridge Public Radio lost $330,000 in funding with the termination of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. Please support BPR and your local NPR radio stations with a sustaining monthly gift. Any and every contribution helps to maintain this vital source of news and information throughout our country.

I Got Goosed!

I attended my first Wild Goose Festival (also known as The Goose) in 2014, in Hot Springs, NC. The Goose delivers on six commitments: Co-Creation, Storytelling, Radical Hospitality, Real Relationships, Non-Violence, and Always Evolving. Goose participants include social justice advocates, misfits, mystics, prophets, sages, storytellers, and seekers—this is where you experience the disconnect of spirituality with certainty. The Goose is a safe space for connecting, learning, pondering, and transforming. The Goose is where I got introduced to Reverend William Barber II, Tripp Fuller, Brian McLaren, Sara Miles, Jim Wallis, and Lisa Anderson. There was music from David Lamotte, Lyric, and Jars of Clay, among others.

The primary outcome of attending the Goose was a call for action! I knew I needed to return in 2015. The highlight for me at the 2015 Goose was Bree Newsom Bass, who climbed the South Carolina State Capitol flagpole to remove the Confederate Flag! This festival was about peacemaking in a time of Black Lives Matter, following the murder of Michael Brown in Ferguson, MO, in August of 2014.

I kept returning to the Goose until it moved from Hot Springs, NC, to VanHoy Farms & Campground in Union Grove, NC, in 2022.

I returned to the Goose this year. Once again, a great experience, but I missed sitting in the French Broad River, cooling off, and getting re-baptized in nature. I missed the giant old-growth trees that shaded the Goose participants in Hot Springs. Change makes you realize what you take for granted and expect.

The map of the 2025 Goose

There were tents set up for speakers, presenters, panel discussions, music, art, cinema, yoga, book sellers, and conversations. Even the United Methodist Church and Episcopalians had tents!

Some speakers shared their Holy Spirit moments of recognizing that LGBTQ+ people are not sinners and their love for a person of the same sex was not a sin. There were others like Aaron Davis, who spoke on From Guns to Trees, a former NRA fundraiser, who realized after listening to Reverend William Barber II at the 2015 Goose that he and the NRA were oppressors. They were not leaving the world a better place for tomorrow’s child.

Sarah McCammon and Ray Waters, Beyond Belief: Navigating Post-Evangelical Faith, shared their transformations away from conservative evangelical “truth.” Why would God give “truth” to a small group of people who practiced exclusivity? They pointed out the danger of the moral majority (which is neither moral nor a majority) of fusing the evangelical church with politics. It’s mean-spirited.

John Pavlovitz – The Christian Left and the Christians Who Left

John Pavlovitz, The Christian Left and the Christians Who Left, shared that he is having a hard time being a Christian today. He asked, “What can we learn from MAGA Christianity?” After all, caring for the least of these is not part of the American Dream. He calls for seeking to be partners, not owners, and to fight kingdom building like Jesus did. He challenged participants to know their community, go to the gap they see, and act upon it. Make all people feel visible as Jesus did.

Mike Maeshiro pointed out that Jesus made it clear that radical redemptive love doesn’t have room for an eye-for-an-eye. He suggested looking in the mirror and asking yourself if you are entitled to hurt others. Maeshiro reminded us to stay hopeful with Unitarian Minister Theodore Parker’s words, “The arc of the moral universe is long, but it bends toward justice.”

Lisa Sharon Harper, Robb Ryerse, Rev Dr. Perzavia Praylow, and Robb Schenck discuss Christian Nationalism

The panel discussion with Lisa Sharon Harper, Robb Ryerse, Rev Dr. Perzavia Praylow, and Robb Schenck on Christian Nationalism was informative and concerning. The number one concern among conservative evangelicals today is transgender people. Love is not what it says; love is what it does. Do not confuse white Christian Nationalism with holiness. Christian Nationalism is a new form of the Crusades. The words of Dietrich Bonhoeffer still hold, “The Church is the church only when it exists for others…not dominating, but helping and serving. It must tell men of every calling what it means to live for Christ, to exist for others.” They suggested that what needs to happen in the church begins by following the lead of women – white guys need to be quiet! Get transformed!

Gee Bree, Dividing Bone and Marrow – an exercise in differentiating between sexual and romantic attraction, and other lessons from Ace Theology, facilitated an enlightening conversation on asexuality and helped us understand sexual and romantic attraction, including what the church has taught. I have more to learn from her facilitation!

Grace Ji-Sum Kim, “When God Became White”

My last Goose experience was with Grace Ji-Sun Kim, a Presbyterian professor of theology at the Earlham School of Religion, who spoke about her book, “When God Became White.” She began by stating, “Everything is connected to race. Race influences how we act and behave daily.” Kim shared that she was an Asian immigrant girl who grew up with a white Jesus. Warner Sallman’s painting, The Head of Christ, hung on the family’s living room wall to continuously reinforce that Christ was white and so was God. The Church was and continues to be a significant source of racism and sexism in the world today. As a result, how we know God is how we behave. How we treat others determines our racism. Before there were Black/White labels, people were differentiated by Christian and non-Christian.

The truth is, Jesus was not white, but you can’t have a savior who does not look like you! The Church needs to stop becoming like white people. How are we going to move away from a white male God? Kim suggested we begin by seeing God as a verb – see God as active and as wisdom. Like the warning label on cigarette packages, the Bible needs a warning label. Getting rid of racism and sexism is at the heart of the Bible. We need EVERYONE at the table!

My 2025 Goose experience still lingers as I ponder, think, and reflect on who I saw and heard. I am moved to act upon what I learned and experienced.

Go forth into the world in peace.
Be of good courage.
Hold fast that which is good.
Render to no one evil for evil.
Strengthen the fainthearted.
Support the weak.
Help the afflicted.
Show love to everyone.
Love and serve the Lord,
rejoicing in the power of the Holy Spirit;
and the blessing of almighty God,
the Father, the + Son, and the Holy Spirit,
be among you and remain with you always. Amen.

Join me at the 2026 Wild Goose Festival, September 3-6. For more information, including ticket details, visit wildgoosefestival.org.

 

How Do You Relieve Stress?

In a recent coaching session, we discussed stress and strategies for managing it. The client mentioned she was practicing meditation, yoga, and deep breathing.

I acknowledged that all those practices are beneficial. I also pointed out that these activities are focused on herself and turning inward. I asked her what she was doing to help or serve others, turning outward.

She asked me to share more. I learned early on that people are either givers or grabbers. Givers seem to be the happiest and least stressed among us.

I shared that I’ve always found the best stress reliever to be helping and serving those in need. When we look out for others, it takes our focus away from us and on others. We are less likely to compare ourselves to others; in fact, we tend to look at those in need as a catalyst for recognizing the blessings we have and to be grateful. Endorphins and dopamine kick in!

Throughout my life, my work has always been about serving and helping others. Instead of doing what I love, I found that I loved what I did – making a difference in others’ lives.

Are You Lazy When It Comes To Trust?

Years ago, I facilitated a simple trust-building initiative for a large group, which opened a conversation on trust. Participants mingled, stopped, looked into another person’s eyes, and said either “I trust you” or “I don’t trust you.” There was no explanation of why they said what they said. They just moved on after their statement to someone else. After a couple of minutes, I asked people to stop and gather in a circle.

During the debrief, many participants expressed discomfort with the exercise. They reported feeling a range of emotions from shame and disappointment to anger and resentment. The debrief revealed a need to know and the risk of stepping into uncertainty.

How would you feel if someone walked up to you and said, “I don’t trust you.”? In today’s toxic, untrusting culture, a common response might be, “That’s your problem, not mine.”

I began the June 29th blog “Are You Lazy When It Comes to Critical Thinking?” acknowledging that the United States has indeed experienced a recent surge in productivity, driven by a combination of factors that have contributed to the rise in output per worker. I believe we have an epidemic of laziness.

I believe we have an epidemic of laziness in trusting others, trusting processes, and trusting visions.

Are you lazy when it comes to building bridges of trust? These questions require critical thinking and may give you clues:

  • Is trust hardwired in us? Is trust natural?
  • Trust is highly subjective and contextual. Does trust matter anymore, or is trust more important than ever?
  • If you believe trust is vital, how do you prevent trust stagnation?
  • Some say trust is a psychological state in which you express a willingness to be vulnerable. Do you have to be vulnerable to trust, or do you have to trust to be vulnerable?
  • Is trust the conduit for dealing with the unknown, such as taking a vaccine, riding in a self-driving car, asking AI to make a decision for us, or walking onto a frozen pond?
  • Is trust a process of intention, expectation, and behavior? Is trust a state of being? What are the benefits of trust?
  • Are you trustworthy? What is your evidence?

Trust is the bridge between the known and unknown. Trust is a confident relationship with the unknown. At the heart of trust is placing our faith in someone or something, believing it is safe to take a risk. – Rachel Botsman

Everything begins with trust! According to child psychologist Erik Erikson, our exposure to trust begins with our parents and caregivers. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in shaping their child’s perception and future relationships. Trust is built on affection, comfort, and feeding. Quick and consistent response to these three needs builds trust. Parents who exhibit inconsistent, unreliable, and unpredictable behaviors can lead to a lack of trust and confidence in their children. I believe that our early experiences with how our parents and caregivers treated us lay the foundation for the principles and core values we hold ourselves accountable for living by.

Global authority on trust, Rachel Botsman, says that while money is the currency of transactions, trust is the currency of interactions. Trust is highly subjective and contextual. We are being asked to take more “trust leaps” than ever before.

In relationships, trust isn’t a promise to never hurt each other. It’s the risk that we will hurt each other and the confidence that, if we do, we will come together to heal. Most importantly, trust requires taking risks together that help us grow into better partners for each other.- Esther Perel

Trust is created, built, and even regained when lost through transparency. Transparency is the key ingredient that makes the 12-Step Program work. The 12-Step Program serves as a guide for fostering better relationships and engaging in commUNITY. Participants must be transparent with one another. Transparency builds trust. Trust is at the heart of the 12-Step Program. 12-sep participants have to trust a higher power, a confidant, and finally the commUNITY. You do not have to be an alcoholic or addicted to something to learn, understand, and live the 12-Steps. If you want to explore the 12-Step Program, suggest reading Stephanie Covington’s A Woman’s Way Through the Twelve Steps or Dan Griffin’s A Man’s Way Through the Twelve Steps.

Are the leaders you are following in politics, business, or an organization transparent? What is your evidence? Do you trust them? Why or why not?

Are you transparent with others when you make a mistake and take responsibility for it? Are you transparent in admitting your limitations and seeking help? Are you transparent when you fail to keep a promise, apologize, and share how you will change that bad behavior? What habits do you need to change to build trust?

 

 

Are You Lazy When It Comes to Critical Thinking?

While it is true the United States has experienced a recent surge in productivity, driven by a combination of factors that have contributed to the rise in output per worker, I believe we have an epidemic of laziness.

I see and experience the epidemic of laziness in critical thinking.

“Critical thinking is the process of analyzing available facts, evidence, observations, and arguments to make sound conclusions or informed choices. It involves recognizing underlying assumptions, providing justifications for ideas and actions, evaluating these justifications through comparisons with varying perspectives, and assessing their rationality and potential consequences. The goal of critical thinking is to form a judgment through the application of rational, skeptical, and unbiased analyses and evaluation.” – Wikipedia

Jumping to conclusions, running people down, pushing conspiracy theories, and sidestepping research seem to be the primary forms of exercise in the United States these days. Fake, false, bogus, and phony information have become so normal that people are offended by truth, facts, and authentic, accurate information.

Daniel Kahneman, Thinking Fast and Slow, writes that 90% of our thinking is fast. While fast thinking can be a lifesaver and has its place in our daily lives, fake, false, bogus, and phony information thrives on fast thinking. Slow thinking requires time, effort, and more energy. Critical thinking is slow thinking. This short YouTube video clip explains the concepts of fast and slow thinking.

Are you curious? Curiosity is the critical tool of critical thinking. Curiosity leads to possibilities and stimulates our imagination, leading to creativity. Pessimism is devoid of critical thinking.  Science relies on critical thinking.

Having returned from my DePauw University 50th college reunion, President White emphasized that a key purpose and desired outcome of a DePauw education is to learn and embrace critical thinking. The studies I took at DePauw, which included anthropology, art, economics, English, foreign languages, history, music, philosophy, religion, and psychology (my major), have influenced my critical thinking and continue to do so today.

Have you engaged in critical thinking to discover your purpose and core values? Critical thinking is at the core of learning and living your life on purpose and in alignment with your core values. Know what you stand for and don’t stand for.

Critical thinking is acknowledging your flawed thinking in terms of bias and logical fallacies. Do you have confirmation bias, belief bias, self-serving bias, groupthink bias, or negativity bias? Do you have logical fallacies like ad hominem, tu quoque, loaded questions, appeal to authority, or black-or-white thinking? If you’re willing to explore your biases and logical fallacies, consider getting a deck of Critical Thinking Cards.

Critical thinking is an essential tool in coaching, counseling, and therapy.

Critical thinking is a vital cognitive process for individuals in leadership roles, including those in Scout troops, civic clubs, organizations, corporations, politics, and the POTUS.

Coaching, counseling, therapy, and leadership are founded on love! Love is a verb. The opposite of love is fear. Unlike fear, love requires critical thinking. 

Mel Robbins defines love as a combination of consideration and admiration. To consider someone is to be mindful and accepting of someone with all their warts, scars, and imperfections. It is a slow, conscious choice not to be controlling or trying to change someone. Consideration involves recognizing when and where someone needs you and your help, from something as simple as opening a door when their hands are full, to being with them during a challenging experience, and refraining from trying to fix or heal them. Admiration is about respect, approval, and wonder. This requires slow thinking, as it involves admiring people with whom you may disagree on beliefs and opinions, recognizing that you have more in common than you are uncommon.

Are you lazy when it comes to love? Are you lazy in loving your neighbor, your leadership followers, your teammates, members of your commUNITY who look different and believe differently? Are you lazy in loving yourself just as you are, with all your imperfections and failures?

My next blog will focus on the laziness of understanding, building, and maintaining trust.