Returned to my Alma Mater, DePauw University, for my 50th class reunion. As I walked past the infamous boulder at East College, I noticed it had been moved since my previous visit in 2015! This was a foreshadowing of other changes I would discover!

The Lows…

Remembering over 70 classmates who have died.

Meeting international students at my Delta Upsilon fraternity and learning about their concerns about ICE and deportations.

At the Saturday morning Convocation of Alumni, an opinion was shared that the one word that best described our class was apathy. Here we were, sitting in the beautiful Judson and Joyce Green Center for the Performing Arts, specifically in Kresge Auditorium. The lead benefactor of this $29 million facility was Joyce Green, a member of our class, and her late husband, Judson, Class of ’74. Their gift was one of empathy and compassion, stemming from their experience at DePauw and their desire for future DePauw students to have an incredible learning experience. In surveying some members of our class after the convocation, I heard better one-word summaries of our class: concern, uncertainty, change, and gratitude. A lot happened in 1975, including the end of the Vietnam War, the release of Jaws in theaters, the signing of the Helsinki Accords, the United Nations’ declaration of 1975 as International Women’s Year, the premiere of Saturday Night Live, and the first email being sent.

The highs…

It was great to connect with classmates and learn about their life journeys over the past 50 years. Lots of connections leading to a lot of smiles, “me, too,” and “WOW!”

One special highlight was sipping Old Pogue bourbon from Old Pogue Distillery.  Classmate Paul Pogue’s family revived its family’s distilling tradition, which had been shut down during Prohibition, dating back to 1876. The 5th and 6th generation Pogues created easy-sipping bourbon. Thank you, Paul Pogue! (The check is in the mail!)

Our class broke bread, sipped adult beverages, and connected at Bridges – Craft Pizza & Wine Bar rooftop on Friday evening, located off Greencastle Square. (Five stars!) It was there that I met classmate Holbrook Hankinson, PhD, Executive Director of the Center for Diversity and Inclusion at DePauw. As a white, heterosexual, privileged facilitator of diversity, equity, and inclusion, it was great to connect with Holbrook and visit the Center for Diversity and Inclusion. He gave me a tour! One of the many highlights of the tour was discovering a second-floor library filled with “banned” books.

When I graduated from DePauw University in 1975, it was primarily a white institution run by white males. While I do credit DePauw with challenging my critical thinking, it is a bold initiative today.

“We will be an institution where all students—regardless of background, identity, or ideology—who desire to learn with us are welcomed, supported, and have access to DePauw’s rich academic and social opportunities.”– DePauw Bold and Gold 2027 Strategic Plan.

The core values of DePauw University are:

• Student Focus
• Collaboration
• Curiosity
• Diversity
• Inclusion

Today, DePauw University is led by President Dr. Lori S. White. She is a strong, bold, visionary! She shared during her breakfast remarks about a key question she was asked during her interview process. Could she learn to love DePauw? Her answer resonates not just in her one word, “YES!” but in her actions! Her leadership team is diverse, as are the faculty, staff, and students

I am prouder of DePauw University today than I was 50 years ago! If I had an upcoming high school graduate or knew of one, I would encourage them to put DePauw University at the top of their college list.

To my ’75 DePauw classmates, if you are coming to Asheville, NC, please reach out and let’s connect! We love sharing our guest bedroom!

 

 

 

 

The story of kintsugi (golden repair)—this style of pottery—may be the most perfect embodiment of all our trauma-shattered lives… Instead of throwing away the broken beloved pottery, we’ll fix it in a way that doesn’t pretend it hasn’t been broken but honors the breaking—and more so, the surviving—by highlighting those repaired seams with gold lacquer. Now the object is functional once again and dignified, not discarded. It’s stronger and even more valuable because of its reinforced, golden scars.                                                                                                                                                     – Jay Wolf, Suffer Strong

We all get broken in some way in our lives. Brokenness is part of the human experience. Vienna Pharaon, in The Origins of You: How Breaking Family Patterns Can Liberate the Way We Live and Love, writes about the five origin wounds: worthless wound, belonging wound, prioritization wound, trust wound, and safety wound. (Take the quiz to discover your origin wound.) Understanding your wound and managing your wound reveals a pattern, perhaps a habit, and your relation to that wound.

We can choose how to handle our wounds and brokenness. Pretending the brokenness is not there is unhealthy. It feeds our shadow self.

I experienced a lot of grief and brokenness after Hurricane Helene devastated Western North Carolina and our 2024 political election. I found an article about how practicing Kintsugi was a pathway to healing, and started practicing it. I get Kintsugi pieces from the Asheville Habitat ReStore.

The Kintsugi practice has retaught me patience, mindfulness, focus, pondering, and wonder! It has reminded me to stay curious. It has also given me joy and hope. Kintsugi is about embracing our healing and finding the “gold” in our wounds and brokenness so that we can use that “gold” to aid the healing of the world around us.

Kintsugii has also made me aware of the shadow self – the repressed things about myself that I do not want others to perceive. By protecting a chosen persona, we create a life of delusion. Kintsugi invites breaking open the shadow self. You have to become vulnerable and humble.

The world breaks everyone, then some become strong at the broken places.  ~Ernest Hemingway

A couple of things I practice in the ritual of breaking and repairing a piece of pottery…

I look at the piece of pottery and try to imagine the shadow self – how it was made and by whom. Why was it made? Who purchased it? Why? What did they use the piece for? How long did they own it? Was it passed down to others? How many hands touched this piece of pottery? Did the pottery bring joy? Did it have a special meaning? Why was it donated to Asheville Habitat ReStore?

Before I break it, I bless the piece: “Let the actions of my hands, mind, and heart be acceptable, help heal the wound I am about to inflict, and find the beauty in the broken.”

As I am repairing, I think about what I need to do to heal my wounds, fix my brokenness, and reflect on the worthiness of brokenness. How is my shadow self revealing itself to me? Like the scars and tattoos on our bodies, our wounds and brokenness are treasure maps of stories of our lives. Our wounds and brokenness offer strength and wisdom to become better versions of ourselves.

After the piece is finished, I hold it in gratitude and think about whom I can give it to! I’ve probably broken, repaired, and given away over 50 pieces, and I have about a dozen pieces to break and repair at my table!

What if we find the “gold” in our wounds and brokenness and use that “gold” to aid the healing of the world around us? What if we treated one another, especially those we disagree with, whose opinions and beliefs differ from ours, like pieces of kintsugi, broken, but worthy? What if we helped one another to repair each other’s brokenness by being there for one another, suspending judgment, and being curious?

I challenge you to examine your brokenness. Find your worthiness in your brokenness and use it to help others with their brokenness. Become fully functional once again and dignified, not discarded. Becomes more substantial and more valuable because of your reinforced golden scars.

The owner of Montford Deli, Asheville, NC, David Sweeting, apologized for comments about Anne Frank that generated controversy. “I want to apologize to the Asheville community… because of my stupidity.” Sweeting said that as a 9th-grade dropout, he had never heard the story of Anne Frank. After witnessing the hurt caused by his remarks, Sweeting decided to change that. “I bought the book yesterday,” Sweeting said. “I went into Barnes & Noble. I said, hey man, where is this book at? And they were like, it’s in the burned, banned book area, and I was like, burned, banned book area? What do you mean? They were like, these books were literally being burnt because they didn’t want you to know the atrocities that truly happened.”

A fact is information without emotion. An opinion is information shaped by experience. Ignorance is an opinion without knowledge. Stupidity is an opinion that rejects facts. – Anonymous

Diversity, Equity, Inclusion, and Belonging (DEIB) include people of various ethnicities and genders, including LGBTQ+, education, religious beliefs, and socioeconomic backgrounds. DEIB aims to ensure fair treatment, access, opportunity, and advancement for all while striving to identify and eliminate barriers.

Diversity is where everyone is invited to the party; Equity means everyone gets to contribute to the playlist, and Inclusion means everyone can dance. Businesses prioritizing DEI encourage a more innovative, positive environment, creating a more profitable company. And most importantly, it means we all get to dance! – Dr. Robert Sellers, University of Michigan

DEIB is entrenched and protected by the First Amendment, which guarantees freedom of speech. DEIB exposes the untold, untaught, ugly history of the United States. DEIB does reveal pain, shame, and discomfort.

On January 21, 2025, Trump issued an executive order directing federal agencies to terminate all federal DEIB programs, describing them as “public waste.” The order also encouraged private companies to follow suit, leading to a reevaluation of DEIB initiatives in both public and private organizations. The U.S.  continues to pressure the U.N. to change its language and approach to DEIB.

The Conservative campaign against DEIB is so vague, ambiguous, and broad-based that it has come to mean many different things to many people. For some, it’s a forced mandate, required training, a bitter pill to swallow, and unnecessary shame. DEIB exposes privilege, especially if you are a white, heterosexual, Christian male. Affirmative Action, BIPOC, and LGBTQ+ are subtitles, triggers, and “woke” distract and undermine capitalism and the myth that America is the greatest nation on earth.

Citigroup, JP Morgan, Morgan Stanley, Pepsi, Disney, Deloitte, PBS, Google, Amazon, Meta, GE, GM, Ford, Accenture, Amtrak, Chipotle, The Smithsonian Institution, The Wall Street Journal, Target, Walmart, and the FBI have either eliminated, ended, scrubbed, or cut back on DEIB initiatives, offices, or observances.

GM removed the statement in their annual report, “At GM, we are committed to fostering a culture of diversity, equity, and inclusion.” Disney removed “for amplifying underrepresented voices” from their website and annual report. Pepsi removed all references to diversity a year after telling investors that “our culture of diversity, equity, and inclusion is a competitive advantage.” As I watched Super Bowl LIX, I saw the NFL announce the removal of the end zone message “End Racism” for this year’s Super Bowl and the replacement of “Choose Love.” If you are part of an organization that has decided to Un-DEIB, this YouTube video can help.

What does it say about you when you purchase goods and services from companies that no longer support DEIB?

If you are not a white, heterosexual, Christian male, you may need to keep looking over your shoulder to see what is coming. Your stress and anxiety have just gone up.

Got faith? All the major religions are founded upon DEIB.

In the Gospel, according to MAGA, embracing “DEIB” is the work of Satan and the enemy of all things American. DEIB is to blame for everything bad happening in America – airplane tragedies, military weakness, males turning into females, your pet becoming someone’s dinner.

Read the Jewish prophet Isaiah from Isaiah 61:1.

Jesus recalls Isaiah’s call in Luke 4:18, “…God’s Spirit is on me; he’s chosen me to preach the Message of good news to the poor, sent me to announce pardon to prisoners and recovery of sight to the blind, to set the burdened and battered free, to announce, “This is God’s time to shine!”

White Christian nationalism is a white-Christians-living-in-America-who-care-about-the-teachings-of-Jesus problem.   – John Pavlovitz

From the Islamic Prophet Muhammad, “No Arab has any superiority over a non-Arab, nor does a non-Arab have any superiority over an Arab. Nor does a white man have any superiority over a black man, or the black man have any superiority over the white man. You are all the children of Adam, and Adam was created from clay” (al-Bayhaqi and al-Bazzaz). In this manner, Islam established equality for the entire human race and struck at the very root of all distinctions based on color, race, language, or nationality. According to Islam, God has given man this right of equality as a birthright. Therefore no man should be discriminated against on the ground of the colour of his skin, his place of birth, the race or the nation in which he was born.”

DEIB is an act of love founded on consideration and admiration. The opposite of love is fear. Could it be that fear drives the stopping of DEIB initiatives and work? Hate is rooted in fear.

I imagine one of the reasons people cling to their hates so stubbornly is because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain. – James Baldwin

Diversity, equity, inclusion, and belonging (DEIB) lean into compassion, justice, and humility. The work of DEIB requires you to desire to be human and recognize others, especially those whose gender, age, ethnicity, education, socio-economic status, physical and mental well-being, and beliefs are different from yours, are fully human as well. DEIB explores that our differences are our greatest strength and that multiculturalism is a powerful asset.

The work of DEIB begins by getting out of your comfort zone and confronting your ignorance, denial, bias, and privilege.

Ignorance. Do you know the untold history of the United States? Learning the untold history of the United States can help you understand why Black infant mortality is 2.5 times greater than white infant mortality. It will help you to understand why the average wealth of a white family in America is ten times greater than the average wealth of a Black family and why the average white male will live 5 years longer than the average Black male.

Bias. Unconscious and confirmation bias promote the more an individual is “white-passing,” the less interesting they become. Unconscious and confirmation bias nurture stereotypes that Asians are successful because their culture uniformly pressures them to perform well. We judge by visual and auditory cues rather than by character.

Asian Americans face DEIB issues as racial and ethnic minorities are considered overrepresented in higher education. A common comment I have encountered is that Asian Americans “would be nowhere without black people.” Asian Americans and Pacific Islanders are often underrepresented in DEIB conversations and in the very positions that might advocate for better representation.

“When I hear the phrase, ‘Asians are next in line to be white,’” she writes, “I replace the word ‘white’ with ‘disappear.’ Asians are next in line to disappear.” – Cathy Park Hong, Minor Feelings

DEIB’s work has created restrooms for families and men’s restrooms with baby changing tables and ADA. DEIB stimulates creativity and innovation. Creativity can exceed expectations when a diverse group of people with diverse skills, backgrounds, and outlooks on life work together. DEIB has led to infrastructure that mirrors the community. A 2017 study found that businesses that invested in DEI also saw increased sales and reduced employee turnover.

DEIB asks us to look in the mirror and ask tough questions like:

Why do I put up with monuments, buildings, streets, and military bases named after traitors to the U.S. Constitution?

What am I doing for others who are different from me?

Why only read and follow people who look, think, believe, and act like me?

What is the difference between Black Lives Matter and All Lives Matter? (Consider this: If Black Lives Matter bothers you because it doesn’t say ALL Lives Matter and it doesn’t say Blue Lives Matter doesn’t bother you, then what bothers you is the word Black.)

If my significant other, feeling low, comes to me and asks, “Do you love me?” an answer of “I love everyone” would be truthful, but it would also be hurtful and cruel at the moment. If a cohort comes to me upset and says, “My father just died,” a response of
“Everyone’s parents die” would be truthful but hurtful and cruel in the moment. So when a friend speaks up in a time of obvious pain and hurt and says, “Black lives matter,” a response of “All lives matter” is truthful. But it’s hurtful and cruel at the moment.

Here is what I know for sure: We are imperfect, flawed, and “cracked.” The ancient Japanese art of kintsugi (joining with gold) acknowledges and embraces the imperfection of missteps in life. It is a philosophy of embracing human flaws. DEIB is a form of kintsugi. It exposes the human frailty of life. DEIB asks us to accept our scars and imperfections, a powerful lesson in humanity and sustainability.

 

My leadership coaching sessions always involve conversations around spirituality and the soul. Some push back and say they don’t have a faith or religion. Others report they are members of a church. While religion can offer structure, the work on one’s soul is a connection to something bigger than oneself. In this work, one discovers one’s purpose and “why.” Author, political, and cultural commentator David Brooks’ recent article, The Shock of Faith: It’s Nothing Like I Thought It Would Be, offers insight.

“When faith finally tiptoed into my life it didn’t come through information or persuasion but, at least at first, through numinous experiences.” – David Brooks

Agreed. Going to church, attending church camp, and attending church mission trips didn’t make me a believer. However, it made me part of a community that shared love and vulnerability and revealed what heaven on earth could be.

What made me a believer were experiences of “thin places“—places where God revealed Herself to me and made me aware that She knows me better than I know myself.

“In those moments, you sense that you are in the presence of something overwhelming, mysterious. Time is suspended or at least blurs. One is enveloped by an enormous bliss.” – David Brooks

The “thin places” where I experienced “ineffable joy and exultation” are hard to describe. However, I recognize that Biblical passages come close. They capture the synchronicity between me, God, and the world. They are my brief encounters with heaven on earth.

Here are some of my encounters with “thin places“ where scriptures revealed for me:

I remember a beautiful fall late afternoon sail on Lake Cowan with my mother and father in 1970. Ecclesiastes 1:6  The wind blows to the south and turns to the north; round and round it goes, ever returning on its course.

The first time, my significant other and I made love. Solomon 3:4  I have found the one my soul loves.

Walking in Muir Woods, May 1982.  John 1:3 Through him all things were made; without him nothing was made that has been made.

Helping to deliver our daughter at her birth.  Psalm 139: 13 -16 Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out; you formed me in my mother’s womb. I thank you, High God-you’re breathtaking! Body and soul, I am marvelously made! You know me inside and out; you know every bone in my body; You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit, how I was sculpted from nothing into something. Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth; all the stages of my life were spread out before you; the days of my life all prepared before I’d even lived one day.

Easter sunrise service at the Carillon, Dayton, Ohio, April 3, 1988.  Psalm 69:32 – The poor in spirit see and are glad. Oh, you God-seekers, take heart!

When we read Peter Gomes’s book “The Good Book,” a member of our men’s small group shared his vulnerability. 2 Corinthians 12:9  My power is made perfect in weakness. Phillippians 4:13 Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am.

Walking the labyrinth at Camp Joy.  Galatians 5:16 Why don’t you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?

Receiving communion from a homeless person at Haywood Street Congregation. Micah 6:8 – But he’s already made it plain how to live, what to do, what God is looking for in men and women. It’s quite simple: Do what is fair and just to your neighbor, be compassionate and loyal in your love, And don’t take yourself too seriously—take God seriously.

These experiences renewed my hope and reminded me why I am in a relationship with the Holy and why She loves me with all my imperfections. 

“Thin places” opened up the mystical and mysteries, not certainty. I agree with Anne Lamott: “The opposite of faith is not doubt but certainty!” What I am certain of is the mystery and the mystical. I am open to more.

I want to walk the Camino de Santiago and see if that experience could be an encounter with a “thin place.” Perhaps you would like to join me?