In my Teams Are Verbs© circle, trust is among the twelve essential verbs for creating a team and building a community. Everything begins with trust, including relationships, processes, operations, performance, and strategic plans. Trust has always been the opening conversation in any organizational development program or retreat I facilitate. Trust is my first conversation in leadership coaching, beginning with two essential questions: Are you trustworthy? What is your evidence?

Conflict, indifference, ugly behavior, and fear are the root of distrust. Distrust kills collaboration and cooperation and destroys teams and communities.

Building trust, maintaining trust, and repairing trust when broken should be a lifestyle and fundamental habit. The work of and on trust relates to one’s emotional intelligence, including self-awareness, self-management, empathy, and social skills.

In Charles Feltman’s  The Thin Book of Trust: An Essential Primer for Building Trust at Work, Third Edition, he updates the four trust assessments: Care, Sincerity, Reliability, and Competence. By being mindful and practicing these four assessments, trust becomes a competency, a set of skills that can be learned and improved. There is a link to a new study guide PDF that you can download.

“Trust is choosing to risk making something you value vulnerable to another person’s actions.” page 4

Consider Feltman’s four opening questions on trust:

1. What are your core beliefs about trust?
2. On a scale of 1 – 10, how trustworthy do you think you are?
3. How do you decide to trust people in your life and work?
4. What would lead you to distrust someone?

Care is the most critical trust assessment. “People don’t care how much you know until they know how much you care.”—Theodore Roosevelt. Care requires vulnerability, Care about the values, concerns, hopes, and dreams, care to understand before being understood, and care about the growth and development of others.

Sincerity is the second trust assessment.  It begins with knowing your core values and principles. Do you walk your talk? Do you hold yourself accountable to them? Sincerity requires consistency. It also seeks feedback from others on how they are experiencing you.

Reliability is the third trust assessment. It is about keeping commitments. It requires understanding the language of requests, offers, and commitments. Know the difference between direct requests, indirect requests, and drive-by requests. Feltman delves into the Cycle of Commitment, its key components, and its importance.

Competence is the final trust assessment: skills, ability, and knowledge to act effectively within a specific domain. Being competent is not about being perfect. It requires being honest with yourself and others and asking for help where you are incompetent.

Feltman sites studies on mistrust and distrust in the workplace have the most significant economic impact on an organization. Organizations were substantially more profitable where there was behavioral integrity – reliability, and sincerity. Trust had a more significant effect on profit than employee satisfaction and commitment. “In organizations where employees believe their managers trustworthy, everyone was a beneficiary.” (Page 60)

“Mistrust doubles the cost of doing business.” – John O. Whitney, Professor, Columbia Business School

What do you do if you betray someone’s trust? Acknowledge and apologize. What we resist persists.

Don’t take an apology lightly. Suggest watching V’s (formerly Eve Ensler) TED Talk, The Profound Power of an Authentic Apology. V says there are four components to an authentic apology:

1.) Recount the event in detail. There is liberation in the details.
2.) Give the reason why. The injured are haunted by the why.
3.) Open your heart. Have empathy. Feel what the injured feel.
4.) Take responsibility and try to make amends. It’s the only way to set the injured and yourself free.

We teach our children many things, many skills, and many processes. We emphasize practice. We don’t teach our children about trust or apology. We assume that trust and apology are a given and learned by osmosis. This work calls for attention, understanding, and practice. After all, everything begins with trust.

 

 

 

“The American electorate, knowing exactly who Trump is, chose him. This is, it turns out, who we are.” – Michelle Goldberg, author and columnist.

There are good, compassionate, kind, and just people in the United States who are being dominated by a “This is who we are” minority who are anti-woke and anti-immigrant. They voted for their wallets.

Are you curious about who and what makes up “This is who we are?”  I am.

Are you curious why they are so fearful? Fear is the root of all ugly behavior. Why do we keep ignoring gun safety after the continuous mass shootings because of fear? Why do we fear people who don’t think, believe, or look like us? Why do we fear the LGBTQ+? Why do we fear the walk-the-talk of Jesus, Abraham, Mohammed, Buddha, Confucious, and Gandhi?

Are you curious why they are incompetent? Why don’t they recognize incompetence and inexperience as problems? Why do they embrace ridiculousness?

According to Charles Feldman, in The Thin Book of Trust, competency is one of the four components of trust. Why is acknowledging incompetence a sign of weakness for them? Why lie about incompetence? Why is trust no longer necessary to them?

Are you curious why they are selfish? Why do they think of themselves first and focus on what they want, no matter who has to suffer? Why is lying acceptable to get what they deserve?

Are you curious why they are unhinged? Why are there no guardrails, boundaries, or codes of conduct for which we are willing to hold ourselves accountable? Why is finger-pointing a daily exercise routine for them? Why is recklessness in fashion for them? Why do alternative facts, conspiracy theories, and fake news overrule facts, truth, and science for them?

Are you curious why they are impatient and quick to anger? Road rage incidents have doubled since 2018.

Are you curious why character is no longer about what others say about us but is bound by self-promotion for them?  Why is humility for losers for them?

Are you curious why they are uncivil? Why is everyone who doesn’t think, believe, or look like us not an opponent but an enemy for them?

Are you curious why they are loyal to a person and party, not to the U.S. Constitution?

Are you curious why we are an addicted nation? Why are we addicted to consumption? Why are we addicted to our smartphones and screens? Why do we seek pleasure to keep the pain away? Are our addictions keeping us from being better versions of ourselves? How are we experiencing ourselves, and how are others experiencing us?

Are you curious why we are judgmental? Judgment is an opinion that may need more careful consideration of facts. Our judgment may nurture our ignorance. Judgment is about telling what is wrong and what needs fixing. Judgment feeds the ego. Judgment may shut out the light, keeping the mind closed and the heart small.

Curiosity is the antidote for judgment. Curiosity requires listening to understand.

Curiosity is what makes Braver Angels a success. Watch the documentary, A Road Across A Divided America. Jump to 29:30 in this video to understand the need to be curious.

“Curiosity will conquer fear more than bravery ever will.” ~ James Stephens

What are you curious about?

One of the tools I use with clients (and personally) is Joel Barker’s Implication Wheel. While the Implication Wheel does not predict the future, it can come close! We yearn to know the future (its estimated psychic services generated $2.3 billion in revenue in 2023!)

In Heather Cox Richardson’s recent Letters From An American, many are coming to grips with the fact that they did not realize the implications of Trump’s proposed agenda. Here are a couple of examples:

The 60% tariff Trump proposes on China will raise the Sony Playstation Pro from $699 (Walmart) to $1,000.

The tariffs are designed to bring manufacturing back to the U.S. to create more jobs. Madden Shoes, a $3 billion industry, will move manufacturing from China to other countries and not to the U.S. to avoid tariffs and keep prices low.

Richardson writes polls showed before the election that voters overwhelmingly preferred Harris’s policies to Trump’s if they didn’t know which candidate proposed them.

I believe we are going to experience an awakening to our cognitive dissonance and our lack of critical thinking—Barker’s Implication Wheel can help with this.

I recommend watching Apple TV’s Disclaimer. The final episode became available, November 8, 2024. This dramatic series portrays our cognitive dissonance, the unwillingness to do critical thinking that can lead to harrowing implications. This series will be hard to watch, but the seventh episode has a powerful ending. This might be an excellent catalyst for having hard conversations with others about the future.

A month after Hurricane Helene devastated Western North Carolina and Asheville, the Buncombe County Tourism Development Authority (TDA) started inviting tourists back.

As a Buncombe County and City of Asheville resident, I think this is a bad idea. I recognize tourism is an important part of the Asheville and Buncombe County economies, but now is not the time to come to Asheville. Here are four reasons why I believe tourists should stay away.

Travel. While this is leaf season here in WNC, many roads in Western North Carolina are still impassable due to landslides, washouts, and destroyed bridges, including I-40 to the west at the North Carolina—Tennessee border. I-26 West just opened, but it is only one lane and inaccessible for large, wide loads. Check out https://drivenc.gov/ for up-to-date information on road closures.

The Blue Ridge Parkway has numerous closures from mile markers 234 to 405. You can check the road status at https://www.nps.gov/blri/planyourvisit/roadclosures.htm.

It is estimated that Buncombe County has 240,000 truckloads of debris. After 9/11, there were 41,000 truckloads of debris from the World Trade Center. This is one of 27 counties in Western North Carolina that were impacted by Helene. Debris and dirt are piled up along our roads, waiting to be transferred and dealt with.

One of the two hardware stores I frequent for supplies is gone due to flooding, and I have to go a very circuitous route to reach the other. My normal drive to Black Mountain for a haircut requires a different and more time-consuming drive.

Give the workers working hard to open roads the safety to do their work well and quickly!

Sites. Would you go to Disney World in Orlando if the Magic Kingdom and Epcot were destroyed and needed rebuilding? I love Valencia, Spain, but I would not consider traveling there with the devastation they have experienced.

While The Biltmore reopens tomorrow, November 2nd, getting there through washed-out Biltmore Village is unpleasant. Toxic dirt covers the entrance grounds of Biltmore. Wearing an N95 mask is recommended in this area. Again, lots of workers are in the area trying to clean up and figure out what, where, how, and when to rebuild not only Biltmore Village and The River Arts District but also other charming towns and villages destroyed by Helene.

The U.S. Forest Service reports that Helene moderately to catastrophically damaged nearly 200,000 acres of the Pisgah and Nantahala National Forests, impacting 800 miles of trails. Many hiking trails are closed. The North Carolina Arboretum has reopened its gardens on October 28th, but trails and most outdoor areas remain closed.

Water. We are still without potable water. If you come, you must be mindful that you cannot drink the water from the faucet. Do not shower if you have an open wound. Buncombe County Health and Human Services has seen an uptick in gastrointestinal illness due to water, hygiene, and food handling. If you can go out to eat, you will be asked if you’d like bottled water. Hand sanitizer is essential. Use it often and regularly, even after washing your hands.

While we are known as Beer USA, many breweries are not open due to water issues.

Large portable tankers and tanks are all over Western North Carolina and the City of Asheville. That classy picture you might want to take of the iconic Art Deco City of Asheville building will have a huge water tanker in front of it.

Attitude. Yes, we are Asheville Strong, but life in Western North Carolina and Asheville is far from normal. We are dealing with trauma and grief. We cry a lot. Why would you come to Asheville for fun when many of us are cleaning, rebuilding, and healing? We already have a housing crisis in the area, and Helene has added to this. We don’t need disaster tourism. We don’t need gawkers viewing the destruction. Tourism resources need to be reallocated to residents of Western North Carolina.

What can you do? Do not send clothing or food here. Send money to organizations directly involved in our recovery. Send money to favorite restaurants to help pay their out-of-work staff. Send money to local artists whose shops and art were destroyed by flooding. More ways to help at Give Local and Always Asheville.

*Note: The picture is of Rec Park pool where I swam laps in the summer not far from our home. The bridge over the Swanannoa River is in front of the pool. Swanannoa River Road on the right, no longer exists.

We are coming up on day 14 without power, internet, and water. Someone recently asked, “What is a typical day like without power, internet, or water?”

My day begins in the first sunlight.

When I get out of bed, I “wash” my hands with hand sanitizer and brush my teeth using water from a bottle. Then, I put all the lights that run on solar in the window to begin recharging.

I go downstairs, open the garage door, turn on the gas grill, start boiling water for coffee, and wash dishes. I plug my coffee bean grinder into a generator and grind beans to make French Press coffee.

While the water is heating, I take Dash (our Jackweenie) for a walk. By the time we return, the water for the coffee is boiling. While the coffee is seeping into the French Press, I clean up and straighten up the tables with food, tableware, and cleaning materials. Trash gets emptied. Water gets checked. There are three types of water on hand. Water for drinking. Potable water to be boiled for cooking and washing dishes. Creek water for flushing toilets. I determine which of these water sources need to be replenished.

When the water for washing dishes has boiled, I carefully bring it upstairs, prepare a tub for washing dishes, and then a tub for rinsing and sanitizing dishes.

I try to tune into the 10 AM Buncombe County Government briefing for updates and information from on-the-ground subject matter experts in water, police, healthcare, and others.

I make time to create the “to-do” list for the day. Ice? Water? What is the food for the day, including seeing who will be preparing dinner that evening? Exercise? (Stretching is essential!) Shower and laundry (which requires driving 14 miles to my cousin’s home who has water, power, and internet.)? Checking on neighbors for water and ice? Volunteering? Helping neighbors? Check on Carrpe Diem consulting work? Email? Read? Top off car gas tank? Cash (many places take cash only and will not give back change.)?

The day begins to wind down around 4 PM. Dash gets another walk. It will get dark by 7:30 PM. Since we are the hub for the “community kitchen” where neighbors gather for dinner, a table needs to be brought out to serve dinner. The fire pit needs to be started as the sun goes down and it gets chilly! A flip chart is brought out for people to share announcements, make requests, or see who will fix the next day’s dinner. The generator gets turned on so people can plug in devices for recharging.

Dinner is served around 6 PM. People may linger around the fire pit and talk, but most turn in before 9 PM. I’m in bed shortly after.